?

Recently I've noticed that I always want to do those things that I am either not physically capable of, or those that aren't terribly prudent. This in turn cultivates uneasy feelings of unrest, and a strange sort of ambition.

It would seem that I, in my deepest parts, am anything but human. It's like my deepest desires are born of something entirely...else.

I wonder if this is just the residual desire of a being fallen from glory, and dying to return....

Just Be...

To be in a place where the fight is over, and we are who we were meant to be...(sigh).


So far from here...

Goodnight.

Simple Vent

If this seems angry or a tad bit heated it's because it is! This day started out in a rather indifferent fashion then, it just decided to act out like a child throwing many small but aggravating tantrums. At the end of the day I found myself asking the question, "would I rather have faced one large disappointment or the flurry of smaller annoyances which was my day?"
...to be honest, I don't even know if it would have made a difference, because either way an air of annoyance would have probably settled heavy my mood.
I was not altogether surprised by the misfortunes of the day, because in the face of certain changes that I have felt impressed to make for the better, isn't it just fitting of life to throw so many forks in the road that not only do you get flat tire(s), but you hope it rains spaghetti? At present, I am out of words to describe how I feel, and lacking in the energy to find more....so excuse this abrupt ending to what has probably been quite the downer of a post.
Hopefully the sun'll come out tomorrow and I'll have something shoe-shuffle, and whistle worthy by then.

When You Look At Me

I am lost in them
Those round and dazzling spheres of intuition and charm
I am completely disarmed by them.
They need not pry the secrets of my heart, for in their presence, my deepest thoughts leap forth to be revealed in total disclosure.
I
am
not
deserving
Of their beauty, nor the affection which is emitted from them for....
me.
To look full into them is to see everything in myself that I hope to be, and all that I desire to extract, for the purity which flows unrestrained from them is so penetrating, and convicting in nature that it can bring me to my knees as I beg for the strength to keep ALL harm from you; both from within and outside of myself.

They are the sweetest gift, the flawless rays that lighten up my day.
They are perfection all bound in shinning muscle,nerve, and more.

They are your eyes, and they are ever glorious and all encompassing in attraction and beauty.

Intransigent Being

Says the ant unto its maker "Toil I on from dusk till dawn"
Says the cue ball to the breaker, "I am fit so strike hereon"
Says the needle to the Seamstress, "mend thy tears and patch frayed holes"
Says this man to God the Righteous "I refuse to yield my soul"


Through human knowledge and earthly strength, I am not that for which I was created. Only by the grace of God, and with His might can my nature be abated.

Publicly Posted Soliloquy

Aha.....haha
This just keeps getting better
Those things that I had thought might not go through, have indeed fallen short.
I play the perpetual optimist for in doing so, I maintain sanity, but sometimes, for like a split second, I just feel like being a realist...then I remember...
My character, personalty and very genetic make-up are not at all suited for that perspective...furthermore (there's always more...it's just that sometimes I don't feel like typing it, nor do I know how) my God, according to human perception, is anything but realistic... awesome fact and reason to refuse realism, or a crutch the size of Rhode Island for me to lean on and ignore the apparent lack of evidence to aim for certain goals I have.... heheh I'll go with the former. Thanks for listening...

No problem.

Good Morning...Let's Set it on Fire...

The saying,"there is nothing new under the sun" creeps into my mind like the bits of light which now creep through my window and repel the literal army of shadows that have overrun my room. I awoke to this day before the sun's fire dance could be seen, and now I wonder what is it that makes today unique from any other? Will it by some Divine act, yields an epiphany to this starved child of routine, or bring the refreshing rains of acquaintances missed? I lay here thinking to myself "I would love to run through the glades of the extraordinary today; to gallop on that black horse of my imagination and take flight on my wildest dreams made reality by..." therein lies my problem... I know no human means by which to attain the goals my mind has set for its ultimate satisfaction. Even those which can be described as possible, seem so far out of my reach, or at least in the far to distant future.
SO...this morning from the lips of a repeat offender in the universe of fallen man, and from the lack-luster mind of one sick of the deluge of mediocrity that is my existence, and the swim through unsavory ideas that is my daily journey. With clinched fists and gritted teeth to the heart of a wounded warrior, and with every beat of that same dieing heart I cry out from inside of my God-given mental-space to the Giver.....


Blow my mind today with the revelation of only a fraction of what You are capable of, for all of You, would end my life. In a Mosaic fashion I want You to dazzle me!

Epicenter of Suffering

A race capable of macabre malignance and malevolent desires
And capable still, of compassion in polar opposite contrast
The same hand that pulls the trigger, places the blow, and buries the blade
May come full circle to protect the harassed, mend the wound, and calm the spirit.

What is it that drives one to become a hardened scenic and pessimist
Having been exposed to the same hardships, and toils of the petrified optimist?
Why do those seeking the alleviation, of those suffering from the human condition
Receive a battery of discouragement and undue opposition,
While the contributors to the pool of social refuse are welcomed often times
With profound adulation, as the righteous dwell in solitude born of derision.

What is the human condition?
Were it that of externally directed consideration, the crisis of this age wouldn’t be.
Were it a pervading air of philanthropy, few would be the cries of the hungry
And the bellies bloated of starvation in greed induced desolation.

I do not believe that people live in such condition out of laziness
I believe that mankind is so internally focused, and driven by immediate personal gain
That without having methods of compensation, a country with gross excess of means
Would sooner allow them to go to waste on the shelf of grocery stores than donate them
To a humanitarian cause.
This too me is the human condition.
Our inability to see beyond our own hierarchy of needs.
But our condition is but a symptom of a universal malady which is
Beyond the effect of modern medicine. It is supernatural in origin,
Thus it demands the attention of the Divine Physician, who alone posses the cure
I can’t claim exemption from the human condition and it’s source
I know only the method by which one can be freed of it
Though at times I choose not to use it

In closing I suppose this to be an introspective look at the shortfalls of a race
As seen from one of it’s prime perpetrators. Perfection is beyond my finite reach,
But should I someday, become wise enough and disgusted by my own abominable state
The doors of His clinic are perpetually open to those awakened to their state
In the hour when we realize why we are devoid of true love,
We will be at the threshold of an age where the human condition is no more.
Instead we will reflect an image that can do noting but seek the ultimate good of those around it
And in doing so benefits itself ultimately